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5.23.06 My Testimony
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Added: 10/22/2006 10:49 AM PT
Last Modified: 2/7/2007 7:46 AM PT
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For the seminary application I completed for Southeastern, I had to write a Personal Statement that described my salvation experience and commitment to Jesus Christ, as well as my call to Christian ministry and reasons for desiring to further my education with a seminary degree. This is what I wrote, and this is also what I consider to be a significant portion of my Christian testimony.
I accepted Jesus into my heart in June of 1987. As a child, if anyone would have asked me the meaning of salvation, I would have probably responded with the two basic principles I knew at the time being saved means that Jesus lives in my heart and that I will go to Heaven when I die. Along life's journey, God has revealed the broader picture of what it truly means to be His child. Through both joy and pain I have realized that salvation goes far beyond my childhood definition. Salvation is more than asking the Holy Spirit to dwell within me; it is a sincere desire to surrender my life to the Lordship of Christ. That fundamental realization is a significant portion of my personal testimony. Instead of treating salvation as a passive experience, I believe that God desires total surrender that can only occur when I actively lay down my life before Him in exchange for His will and desires.
Although I was saved as a child, total surrender to God is a daily process. I will say that a defining moment in my Christian walk occurred in February 2005. It was at this time that I heard God calling me to a more intimate and purposeful relationship with Him. I knew instantly that to answer His calling meant that I would have to surrender my life completely to Him. I had to lay down any plans I had for myself and submit to His will and whatever and wherever that meant for my life. I will admit that I do not know the future God has for me, but I take comfort and find peace in knowing that He knows the plans He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11). Again, it is a daily process and even a struggle at times to follow after Gods will, but in my heart I know that His plans are always best. I do feel as if God is leading me to full-time Christian service. The specifics of any vocational plans He has for me are unknown. God has given me a heart for missions and a heart to lead people into a more intimate relationship with Him. If that means I am to serve full-time on the foreign mission field, I will go. If that means I am to be employed in a Christian educational environment like where I am currently employed, I will serve there. Perhaps God has plans for a mixture of both.
In all that I do, I desire to continually pursue a more intimate relationship with my Father. I want to know Him more and seek after Him every day I am on this earth. I desire to become more effective for His service, and I feel that attending Southeastern will nurture that growth process by creating an environment to dive deeper into the study of Gods word and truth. The majority of my Christian education comes from what I have learned as I have grown up in church. I would like to expand my knowledge beyond the church walls. In order for that to happen, I feel the need to be challenged in an academic environment that I cannot create on my own. I believe that further educating myself will help to not only draw myself closer to Him, but it will help me to more effectively draw others to His Kingdom as I am able to be ready always to give an answer to those who ask about the hope that is in me (1 Peter 3:15).
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The following is from my journal on Feb. 3rd. What prompted this was receiving my copy of the AIM Soul Search Katrina Relief book. Memories washed over me like the flood of Katrina herself. I was soon bathing in the tears of rememberance as I flipped through page after page of a story I personally played a part in... and even more specifically stories from Kelsey, Katie, Jessica and Amanda (my fellow Mexico FYMers) came crawling off the pages... as did the named mention of all of us who were a part of the relief efforts there and in the River Center. I just wanted to share with you my own heartfelt rememberance of a time and place that now seems so far away while at the same time feeling as only yesterday...
As I'm sitting here in the comforts of my new part-time job here in East Tennessee, my heart is sad as it remembers a time just months before. A time when I was surrounded by 5,000 evacuees from Hurrican Katrina. It feels almost surreal to think that that even truly occurred--and moreso that I was in the very heart and chaos of it! Oh the memories--the intense pain and love I felt and still feel for those wounded people. And what breaks my heart the most is that above all else--I wish I could have done MORE!! I mentally scold myself now for not doing more, working harder, spending more time with more families. Oh, but my memories are precious. I've got no photos, but my mind has forever captured the images of the River Center. The crowded room of cots and tents. The babies and kids everywhere--running up to give you a hug. Now, looking back, I realize even more how God used us. We truly were Jesus to those people. God gave us supernatural power during our days serving in the shelter. We labored more intensely that any other time in our life--and yet, I would have been ready and willing to work twice as long and hard. How is that possible? And how is it possible that over 50 18-24 year olds would voice virtually no complaints amidst the tiring chaos? One answer--with God, all things are possible. I thank God for this opportunity I had to serve Him in such a unique way. And my feelings of wishing I could have done more will not remain as a regret but will be transformed into wisdom and passion for future missions God places in my path. I will never forget Baton Rouge... the hungry and desperate souls seeking the true hope in Christ many don't even realie they need... and the blessed honor it was to serve alongside such a selfless crew of young leaders armed and ready for the battle that awaits as God is calling out His next generation of true disciples.
Now my prayer... that our tomorrows are few in which we find ourselves looking back on the days before... wishing we would have done more
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I received an email from my boss asking me to write an article for the school's paper about my relationship with Manuel--what he meant to me, what I saw the Lord doing in Mexico, etc. Such a request is truly an honor. Manuel is my most treasured memory from Mexico, and I will jump at any opportunity to share about that relationship!
Here is what I wrote:
When God called me to Mexico, I knew that I was in for an experience of a lifetime. Beyond all that I experienced, it was the unforgettable relationships God provided in that place that I will treasure for always.
When I first met Manuel, he was sitting on the stairs of a shelter that can best be described as an orphanage for children whose parents have traded their families for lives of crime, drugs, and pleasure. I watched him as he sat silently alone, staring out with big, sad brown eyes. What most drew my attention to him was the fact he was covered in food, flies, and gnats. While normally a person would fight the constant annoyance of bugs, 2-year old Manuel sat still, as if he had already accepted defeat from the conditions he lived in day after day. As I hosed him off Southern-style, he cried and cried until I was able to finally soothe him. I wrapped him in a towel, held him close, and from that moment, we were inseparable. It did not take long for both of us to notice how special we were to each other. Before I even realized the full extent of the love God had given me for this child, Manuel began to call me Mommy. While I was both flattered and shocked at my new nickname, I soon found out that Manuel truly believed I was his mother! Apparently the love and care for him that I demonstrated twice a week for a couple hours at a time was significantly greater than any other connection he knew. During over three months in Mexico, I had my hands in street evangelism, leading worship, sports ministry, construction, teaching English and more, but Manuel truly was the very heart of my experience. I took picture after picture of him to fulfill my desire to capture every momentevery expression as my love for him grew stronger each day. I looked forward to seeing him each week and my heart broke every time I left and had to hear him scream and cry in confusion. Even on his worst days, all I had to do was hold him and he would be fine. I watched him grow from a quiet toddler in the corner to a jumping, laughing, and social child. It is amazing to see the difference a little love can make. I only hope that the short time I had with him can somehow make a lasting impact on him amidst all the uncertain experiences he may face. Maybe one day he will hear Jesus Loves Me and be reminded of a time when someone who loved him as a mother should was humming the tune in his ears. Somewhere down the line someone had said no to this little child, and yet I pray that God gives me a constant love and desire and passion to say yes to the least of these just like Manuel. (Matthew 25:40)
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In less than 24 hours I will be home again in Maryville, TN after an amazing 8 weeks here in New Orleans. I will attempt to make some closing remarks at the end of this update, but first Ill briefly share some highlights of the past two weeks.
Week 7 was spent serving with Radnor Baptist Church from Nashville, TN. I had the privilege of spending the second-half of each day again at the daycare at Valence Street Baptist Church, while the mornings were spent cleaning up yards in a neighborhood near the seminary. Cleaning up yards in New Orleans post-Katrina is nothing like the weeding Ive done around the house in Maryville. There are sheds that have to be cleared out and knocked down, trees and bushes that must be uprooted, grass that must be weed-eated before you even think about mowing, and even cars that must be somehow moved to the street. It is HARD work!! I absolutely loved it for one because I enjoy seeing progress when I am working, and we were able to go from a complete jungle and junkyard to a clean-cut yard. But most importantly, we were serving a community of people who can use all the help they can get. One piece of trash we can remove from their yard is one less thing of many they must do on their own.
The greatest blessing during this week was our time spent with Commander, the retiree from the Sheriffs department. You talk about a servant this man has a heart of pure gold. He is always helping somebody. And he helped us to help an entire block of homes. And although were content to wait for our Heavenly reward, I must say that He provided us with some awesome instant rewards to fill our tummies! From stuff bell peppers to red beans and rice to the most amazing smoothies that have ever hit your mouth. He was an angel to us after each tough morning. Its people like that who really make life so much brighter. Absolutely unforgettable servanthood. I would be content to accomplish half of what he has done for other people in my own lifetime. But he would ask for me to strive to reach even more.
This week I worked with Westside Baptist Church from Simpsonville, SC. They were a rowdy crowd, just what I like!! :) We worked the first half of the week on a gutted house removing any remaining sheetrock, demolishing a bathroom, tearing down the ceiling, cleaning up the mess we made, and cleaning up the yard. Lots of sweat and muscles went into it. Thursday we went to the house that I was at during Week 4. This was the house that previously had not been touched since the National Guard searched it in September. The guys tore down the ceiling; the girls removed the nails from the wooden beams. And I had a yard crew that uprooted, I kid you not, at least 15 either large bushes or small trees that had been covered in some thick, tough, and stinky ivy. It took us at least 4 hours in the hot Louisiana sun. I loved every single minute of it. My supernatural motivation made what was seemingly impossible become a realistic task. With my motivation came the energy to fulfill the task. God equipped us in a mighty way that day. Nick, one of the guys, told me of him going to get water, sitting on the cooler, and praying that God would give him the strength and energy to pull up the rest of those trees. He came back with a fire in his eyes and single-handedly pulled a couple out of the ground with hardly any problem. First thing he did was praise God for the strength from that answered prayer. And that is what its all aboutyes were serving others, but we desire most of all to bring the praise and glory back to God.
So as I return to Tennessee, Im taking more back with me than I have the time to describe here. But its been amazing and Ive experienced God like never before. Ill end with a lesson I learned through a devotional I read on July 9th. Ive been praying about where God is leading me after New Orleans. God lifted that burden as I was reading through my devotional for that Sunday. So where is God leading me? He is leading me to HIMSELF! Not Africa or China, not New Orleans, not The Kings Academybut first and foremost, Priority One, most importantlyto HIMSELF! Oswald Chambers writes, You have no business to find out where God is leading, the only thing God will explain to you is Himself. Now just because a well-trust mortal man utters these words does not mean they are Gospel-truth. So I reflected for a moment on that statement. As I did, I felt something deep within myself rising up to release a burden that Ive had to know where God wants me after this summer. Once again the Holy Spirit desires to refine and purify my faith to strip away the impurities of unnecessary burdens that I have placed on my own life. God has sent me on an amazing ride this past year and a half, and I now believe that all of it was His plan and purpose for my life to be drawn closer to Him in a way I never have been before. The resultI will know Him. And by knowing Him and keeping my eyes fixed on Him, He will grant me His vision for the ways in which He desires to proclaim His glory, love and grace to all nations. SO as I return home and begin making decisions for my next assignment, I will change my prayers from asking God where He wants me to go to God, reveal yourself to me. And by His revelation of Himself in and to my life, I will know Him, I will see where He is at work and I will be ready to get up each day and join Him.
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