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My Tribute to Life
Tags: NYC, 911, Tribute, Life, spirituality, love, healing,
Campaign: none
Added: 4/24/2008 8:37 PM PT
Last Modified: 4/24/2008 8:37 PM PT
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This blog is dedicated to those who lost their innocent lives at 911 attack in 2001, the people who lost their lives at the war in Iraq, the people I lost in my life, my mother, my best friend Junko, my grandmother, my aunt, my fellow artist Amy, and Mrs.O'Bara, and the people who are bravely fighting with serious diseases, including my hero Edwarda O'Bara, a wonderful girl Hannah who has been dealing with childhood Leukemia and my wonderful sister who was diagnosed with cancer last year and has been gracefully and bravely fighting with it considering the cancer as blessing, and all the people who have lost their lives by unnatural causes, diseases, natural disasters, wars, accidents, etc... Thank you so much for showing us your strength and sharing your love, and to the people I mentioned above, thank you for being a part of my life..... It would probably be never enough, but I hope I could express my gratitude I felt for you this time through the visit to Ground Zero on this blog. Love, Yoshika
First of all, a little caveat. This blog may not be for those who are at the stage in their lives where they want to put all the memories of 911 attack behind and just want to move forward. If you are like that, I recommend not to read forward or to scroll down to see the pictures. I totally understand, because I was sort of one of them until I made a visit to Ground Zero recently. Despite that I live close to NYC, and occasionally visit Manhattan on a regular basis, my visiting for Ground Zero was actually the first time in 6 and a half years after the attack.
And you might be wondering why I wanted to write about 911 now. It's not even around the anniversary day. Well, this blog is not really about 911 to be exact. To me, it is more about life. I wanted to write about it now, because for me, I felt that my visit to Ground Zero at this point of my life was probably meant to happen. As a matter of fact, I wasn't even planning this visit until the last minute. It actually happened spontaneously while I was working on my recent little photo project. And I even thought I have finished it already. But somehow something made me want to walk around downtown area the other day. And as a result, I ended up visiting Ground Zero. But, whether it was intentional or not, I am glad that I did make the visit this time, because I did feel something that I never expected that I would. I had never imagined that the event of 911 attack would connect me in some ways on the personal level. It gave me not only some sort of closure to what I had been feeling lately, but also new appreciation for life. And I really appreciate that now. And for the reason, I want to call this "My Tribute to Life", rather than "Tribute to 911" this time.
I guess I should start with how things were between 911 event and me before the visit.
I must admit that in terms of 911 attack, I have been just an observer for the whole time. And as irresponsible it may sound, I do also admit that I have been rather avoiding anything related to 911, watching news, reading articles, even talking about it if it is not necessary. And thinking of the feelings of family of the victims, even though it was a right movement, I never felt like joining those who try to turn things around in a positive way after the event either. To me who could be categorized in HSP (Highly Sensitive People, I didn't know there was such term until recently though...), what I felt and experienced on the day of the attack was strong and overwhelming enough, even though it was nothing compared to the ones that the people who were around the area that day, or who had loved ones involved in the event experienced. I just didn't think I could handle all the overwhelming energy very well. So needless to say, I never felt like visiting there to see how things have become afterward either. Other than that, there is also the fact that despite that I live close to NYC, the people I knew who were working in NYC were all safe, so were their friends and co-workers including the one who was actually working at WTC on the day of the attack. That fact also helped me not to be involved with 911 emotionally too much, so I just kept being an observer until now.
So, that's how I have been with 911 incident. However, time really flies. I can not believe that 6 and a half years already went by. Considering a lot of all the other factors in my life, I guess it was about time for me to make a visit. And it did come naturally this time.
"There were 2,974 fatalities, not including the 19 hijackers: 246 on the four planes (no one on board of the hijacked aircrafts survived), 2,603 in New York City in the towers and on the ground, and 125 at the Pentagon. An additional 24 people remain listed as missing. NIST estimated that approximately 17,400 civilians were in the World Trade Center complex at the time of the attacks, while turnstile counts from the Port Authority suggest that 14,154 people were typically in the Twin Towers by 8:45 a.m. The vast majority of people below the impact zone safely evacuated the buildings, along with 18 individuals who were in the impact zone in the south tower. 1,366 people died who were at or above the floors of impact in the North Tower. According to the Commission Report, hundreds were killed instantly by the impact, while the rest were trapped and died after the tower collapsed. As many as 600 people were killed instantly or were trapped at or above the floors of impact in the South Tower."
The text above bove is the excerpt from Wikipedia, "September 11, 2001 attacks" under Casualties. Although we all know what happened that day and how terrible the event was, I guess I'll just start with the strongest impression I had from my visit. Well, no surprise. It was the extensiveness of the damage. I was walking up from South Street Seaport, and things around there seemed to look the same, or even prettier than what I remembered from the days that I was living in NYC. After passing the computer store J&R which I have visited occasionally while I was living in NY and also heard that they too suffered the damage from the attack, I found the traffic officer busy working on Broadway, and asked him which way I should go for Ground Zero. His answer was polite and quite simple. "One block down this way, ma'am". As I was saying thank you to the officer, I was honestly feeling surprised already. "Only one block?"
I was at the area that I was already familiar with. In my mind, the area was indeed close to WTC where we could take a peek at the tops of WTC towers among other tall buildings around there, but never in my mind, was considered as "REALLY" close. As I got closer to Ground Zero which was only a block away, I could see a lot of constructions still going on, the area was still surrounded by roughly made fences. And through the fences, I recognized the damaged, arch-like architecture standing at the other side of the construction site, which I remember from the days I visited WTC with my friends who visited me from Japan. That used to be a beautiful park-like area where people could gather around and relax. And I also thought of the language school that used to be around here. It didn't come up to my mind much for last 6 and a half years because I was attending there for a short period of time just to keep my VISA while I was transferring colleges. But, now looking around the huge construction area, I think that building is gone as well.
I felt like walking around with the fences little bit more just as my heart felt like. As soon as I turned around the first corner, I found the WTC tribute gallery and decided to visit there. And at this gallery, I think I experienced something that I never expected from this terrible event.
The gallery wasn't a big place. I suppose it is just a temporary place until the future memorial buildings are built.
There are photos, audio tours, some remains from the attack, showing people how terrible the attack was along with the stories of the heroes and the history of WTC, etc. Some stuff could definitely make people very emotional. There are quotes written on the walls of the people on the hijacked planes and the burning towers, the photos of the people who were waiting for help from the broken windows of WTC towers, or of the ones who are already dead and tagged. Looking at those photos, the first thing I thought was "It was true." Some people who saw the site after the attack have told me that it was like a war zone. And they talked about the smells. Some photos in the gallery directly reminded me of the ones that I have seen at Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum when I was a kid. (I am from the island located in between Hiroshima and Ehime prefectures.) I tried to breathe deeply for the whole time I was there trying not to cry. But unsurprisingly, I noticed that there were some people who were crying in the gallery. And in the back room, there are also the walls filled with the photos of those who lost their lives on the day.
Strangely, I somehow felt like sitting on the bench right in front of the picture walls for a while, just gazing at the photos, still breathing deeply. And while I was sitting there, I think I felt something very different. Something that maybe I had never felt before.
Well, to be truly honest, I really wasn't sure what I was feeling. I think feeling sad was easy. Maybe so was feeling mad at terrorists for some people. As a matter of fact, the thoughts of whether the families of the victims have found healing or not as well as prayer for their wellness easily came into my mind while I was looking at other things in the gallery. But, what I was feeling in front of the photos of victim's smiley faces was somewhat different, something beyond sadness or anger. What I was sure was that it was neither negative nor positive and there were absolute facts that they all lost their innocent lives on the day of the attack and also that they all once existed in this world. And the next moment, the faces of the people I lost in my life came into my mind as well. My mother who died of cancer when I was a kid. My best friend who lost her life at car accident at age 19. And I thought of the passings that I encountered recently, one of my fellow artists who was so giving and has left this world due to illness leaving so many lovely illustrations behind, and also someone very special, Mrs.O'Bara who had been doing what not many people could go for nearly 40 years, and died before receiving what she truly deserved. All of those deaths were what seemed so unjust to me. But speaking of unjustness, maybe nothing can be compared to the ways the 911 victims lost their lives. How did the family of victims deal with their emotions? I also thought of my sister who was diagnosed with cancer last year and has been bravely fighting with it considering the fact that she got cancer as blessing. How is she dealing with the issue of life and death in herself everyday? .... So many thoughts appeared and disappeared, I was just there still sitting in front of the photos, breathing deeply, just letting my thoughts come and go....
Even after I left the gallery, I was thinking about the feelings that I experienced in front of the photos of victims over and over. You know, when we experience some sort of dramatic event, sometimes we hit the point where no longer words can describe what we are feeling. And once we pass the point, maybe that's where healing starts to occur. Well, as for the family of the victims of 911, I really hesitate to use the word "healing" easily. There must be many people who are still grieving over the loss of their loved ones in such terrible ways. But as for my case, what I was feeling at that time was maybe something similar to that process. I didn't feel like crying, my feelings were neither negative nor positive. I was just there facing the issue of life and death, but maybe more of embracing life, lives of 911 victims, embracing the lives of the people I lost as well as the lives of the people I love in my life right now including my own. Maybe what I was feeling from smiley faces of victims was something similar to eternity, their existence itself, as well as acceptance of fragility of human life, and yet the beauty of it. The beautiful smiles of those victims were indeed telling us that they existed, at the same time, so did my mother, my best friend, the people I really cared who lost their lives. And no one could ever change the fact that they existed. It is indeed true that after many years from their passings, they still live in my heart as if they are still here with me. I think the event of 911 means somewhat different to every one of us. To me, it seems that it has touched me in a way I never imagined, in the way that was probably the most positive for me. Maybe that's why I felt that I was glad that I made the visit to Ground Zero finally afterward.
What was ironic is, while I was looking over the construction site in silence, while I was walking on the streets trying to figure out what I was feeling at the gallery, thinking about the event all over again, the people who work around there were busy walking on the streets, some were smoking cigarettes in front of the buildings that face Ground Zero as if nothing has ever happened there. But, I guess that's life. Life goes on no matter what. And so do their lives, so does mine.
I thought about what I could do with my life after experiencing this feelings.....And at this point, all I can say is that I just want to live my life day by day embracing life itself. I want to enjoy and appreciate what I already have. If some people want to call it healing, then so be it. If living this way could be a gift to those who lost their lives in 911, or by other unfortunate causes, so be it as well. And if there are still the people who have lost their loved ones at 911 attack, and still suffer the losses, I also would like them to know that their loved one's life, not death, helped me this time. I still don't know how to say nice comforting words to them. But, appreciation for them is what I am feeling right now from the bottom of my heart. So, thank you very much. And for those who were at WTC on the day of attack and survived, please receive my blessings as well. I guess all I do is to try to live each day to the fullest, even though I would probably find myself being caught up in my daily routines a lot.... I just don't want to forget this special feelings that I experienced in front of the photos of 911 victims.
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These are some photos of Ground Zero and the tribute gallery.
Ground Zero
Entrance of the tribute gallery
Entrance photo of the tribute gallery.
Inside the gallery
The photo of the rescue scene
The remains from the attack
Bended metal that shows the terribleness of the impact of collapse.
The wall of missing person messages from victim family
Japanese Origami Cranes sent from family, friends, and co-workers of Fuji Bank as well as schoolchildren in Japan. (There were 24 Japanese victims.)
Explains the meaning of Japanese Origami Cranes
The walls of photos of the victims
Poster outside the gallery
Before finishing this blog entry, I would like to share one more thing. As I was leaving the Ground Zero, I found one church standing on Broadway which is only a block away from the site. And this church reminded me of the story that I heard from someone who was actually working at WTC building on the day of the attack. His name was Mr. Yamamoto. He worked at one of the biggest insurance companies in Japan, and one of their branches was in the WTC. He was one of those who were safely evacuated before the towers collapsed. He told me that he saw the south tower collapsed on a ferry to NJ with smile as if it was nothing. When I heard that, it was already several months after the attack, and he must have told his stories to people countless times. So, he didn't say anything else about his experience on the day. However, instead he told me the story of someone else who had more dramatic experience that day. Please forgive me about that I have already forgotten a little details of it. But, the story has a great message, so let me just share it real quick. It was the story that I heard from Mr. Yamamoto who was actually in the tower that day, so I think it is probably true too. I am going to call the person in this story, Mr.X here.
I have already forgotten that which building Mr.X was working. But, from what he experienced, it was probably the south tower which the second plane hit. Mr.X's office was located at the high floors of the WTC. (Sorry, I forgot which floor already.) Mr.X must have been a very religious man. On the day of the attack, he actually saw the plane coming toward to their building, and the next thing he did was to grab nothing but the bible on his desk, and prayed "God, save me!" And he just flew out of the office. The elevator was already full, so he used stairs. On his way down, he actually encountered someone who recommended him to go up for the helicopter rescue. But he thought "What a hell are you talking about?" and followed his gut and kept going down the stairs in the smoke in the darkness. It took him more than a half an hour to be finally on the ground. And when he thought he has reached the safe zone, he said to himself "Thank you, thank you God." and found the church standing close by and entered it in order to thank God for saving his life. Well, actually that quick decision of stopping by the church also ended up saving his life. 5 minutes after he entered the church, the south tower collapsed. If he was out there still walking on the street, he may not have made it.
The church I found is standing on Broadway. And the computer store which I mentioned earlier, and heard that they also suffered the damage of the tower collapse is standing at just across the street, which is a little further from the Ground Zero. So, it is quite possible that this is the church that saved Mr. X's life. Well, of course, I am not sure of it. But, it is a great story, isn't it? It might sound too good to be true. But, I believe it. I think Mr. X was meant to live to tell the tale. Sometimes in our life, there might be times that we all have to act like Mr. X, just following his own heart, not being swayed by other people's words, going with what he believes without hesitation, with a lot of faith and gratitude. And by doing so, even if you are not religious like him, something might unexpectedly save your day:)
I also really liked Mr.Yamamoto's last words for this story. With quite admiration on his face, he said "I bet Mr.X will be Christian forever...." And I totally agreed.
This is the church standing on Broadway. The white background shows no tall buildings behind and it is where Ground Zero is located.
Speaking of enjoying life, I think my latest photo project reflects what I was talking about in this blog. If you haven't checked out yet, please visit my myspace blog to see the slide show of over 180 of dog walking people in NYC and some NYC sightseeing photos.
Love, Yoshika
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