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Nickname: |
The All-Knowing Mysterious Mr. X
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Age: |
109
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Gender: |
Male
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Motto: |
Like jewels in a crown the polished stones glittered in the Queen's metal hat
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Country: |
UNITED STATES
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Current Mood: |
 indescribable
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Views: |
8739
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Here for: |
Meeting People
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Last Updated: |
11/6/2009
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Last Login: |
3h 5m ago
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Member Since: |
8/30/2006
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Views: 8739
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I receive so many questions each day and realized many of you may benefit from the insightful answers I spew forth. Therefore, I am going to be posting the "ASK MR X" answers here on my profile section… enjoy
Ramalama asks: Mr X! If you could be anyone in the world, who would it be?
Easy... Lyle Ploom was my next door neighbor when I lived in Mexican Hat, Arizona. Lyle was poor, butt ugly and suffered from inadequate hygene practices... his dogs didn't mind him and his girlfriend didn't either. She wacked him upside the head with a 3' length of rebar once for looking at Audry Barlocker (the meter reader) the wrong way. Lyle always smelled of SlimJims for some reason and was afflicted with a wicked infusion of nose hair. As I recall he listened to Hanson a lot. One day Lyle won the Lottery and brought home 35 million dollars... he was on TV... lots of confetti and got a big hug and kiss from Miss Arizona...go Lyle, go Lyle...whoot whoot...how cool is that! So you ask, who would I be? DUH...Miss Arizona's husband of course.... go X! go X!...whoot! whoot!
Terry asks: I am curious to know why my favorite campaign got stuck in the judging realm and the results are still not finalized, I was just wondering if you knew why?
Well, the answer is really quite simple. Sometimes judging and prizing is out of our hands and must be conducted by the sponsor... lawyers want it to be so for some reason, they really take the fun out of things... anyway, every sponsor is different. Some wear tupees, some like calamari, even others have been abducted by aliens. Some use potions to figure out the winner and that's what I think happened here. I think they were in the middle of reading their potions when a meteor smashed through the roof creating a hole through which a marsupial crawled unnoticed. Said marsupial probably had an upset stomach (as marsupials are typically shy and nervous creatures) and no doubt burped in a rather loud marsupial sort of way. I believe an observer of the potion exercise mistook the burp as a potion "Blurp" totally throwing the potion reading into a false interpretation. But that's not the problem... the sponsor now had a hole in the roof and with monsoon season approaching had to repair the meteor hole. In order to fix the hole cheaply they started searching the submitted resumes for a "Roofer" or "Hole Fixer" or something like that... thinking they could award the Hole Fixer resume as the winner with the prize adjusted to being a trip to the roof with the hole.... so they could fix it. Well, a strong breeze blew through the hole scattering the printed resumes all about, some reaching the plug in heater which ignited the pages. In a panic someone grabbed the marsupial thinking it was a fire extinguisher and tried to spray the fire. On noticing their mistake they dropped the marsupial with a loud scream of horror. The marsupial being equally surprised... and pregnant... ubruptly gave birth to 12 little marsupians. A visiting environmentalist recognized the marsupial as a rare and endangered species, and as it had made it's natural home under the CEO's desk, had the whole area designated a protected habitat. Being this was a marsupial from several states away, the FBI was called in to make sure everything was done according to law. All resumes (the un-burned ones of course) were confiscated as evidence and are now tucked away in the bowles of the FBI regional offices. The local Fire Battalion Chief has been called in to see if the fire was actually arson intended to destroy the marsupial's habitat. So, while the CEO waits for all this to work itself out he frets he is vexing those who entered his good intentioned campaign and knows they are going to show up on his doorstep with pitchforks and axes anytime now. He has a plate of cookies by the front door just in case.
Now, I know this is hard to believe but that explanation is not canned... it is the truth from the heart of Mr X as I understand things right now at this point in time... really, it's true. Know anyone who wants a mursupial?
MingJouGoldstein asks: How can I show my devotion to the Mysterious Mr X and his new island country?
It's very simple, and doesn't require conflict diamonds, feats of danger, or human sacrifice... oh no... all I'm asking of you who are truly dedicated to the Mysterious Mr X is to alter your profile picture to include an "X" someplace. A "X" on your shoulder, your fingers crossed, and "X" in the background... anyplace, anyhow... be clever and prove your loyalty! This way we can identify the people of "X" wherever their picture appears on the site and across the web... kinda like flashing gang signs without the gangsta connotations... So my little friends...who's with me? Who's out there is my best of best friends? Anyone? Anyone?... Anyone? I can wait...
 
The X MOST FAVORED list:
Shorthottie
Buffalosoul
Diamondbride
Jesscain
Kelpromotions7
Photographylife-Jen
CUsmile
Thevicagirl
nn23
erinchavez
Harleynut97
Swampgliders
Myendgoal
Parabolastar asks: What ever happend to the "Land of X idea?"
Sorry it's been so long but this last trip took much longer than expected. As some of you know I decided to start my own country last year and even accepted applications for open positions... Queen, Minister of Fun, Minister of Chaos, Deputy Director of All Things Absurd, Court Jester, Ambassador to the Real World, Director of Brocolli...etc. Well, I've been out trying to secure some land and it's a bit more difficult than I thought, but I finally nailed it down. I purchased the Island of Nevis. Ideas have been floating around as to a name for our new country... Xland, Xtopia, The People's Republic of X... but I'm not sure I want to dwell on the X theme too much. Sure I'll be the head dude, afterall I own the place, and every Friday will be a national holiday (Mr X Appreciation Day) plus everyone will be required to have a framed picture of me in a prominant location in their homes... I just don't want to be too omnipresent... you know? So, I'm asking you to take a stab at namining the country part 2. Also there's plenty more positions available, just let me know what you want to do and I'll consider it. Other things that may be helpful to our new island home... Crest and flag, formal headwear design, anthum, country bird and plant, official color, city names, what do we use for currency and what do we call it ... and yeah, there appears to be about 10,000 people currently living there so we need to think of what to do with them... I don't want to be a tyrant, but hey, I just bought the place, I can do as I darn well please... Let me know your ideas. Share the Mr X vision with your friends, send them my way and I'll be-friend them as well... we'll just be one big happy family... with a picture of me on the wall!
UPDATE: This is how the positions are looking so far...
eli20530 - Mr X's long lost sister
LifeDancer - Mistress of all things Sparkely
harleynut97 - Minister of Motion Media Madness & Mirth
Ashleyspenguin - Dungeon Mistress & Kindergarten Teacher
lolliman430 - Official Dungeon Prisoner, Official Scape Goat and Whipping Boy
Timmylynn - Master of Sensory Depravation
Dargoon59 (Zeppelin Chick) - Princess of Hearts
dacey - Princess of the Benjamins
JenniferHu_mston - Princess of the Royal Menagerie
Marcelle - Security Czar for the Royal Princesses
Paleogirl - Royal GeoPaleoLibraryist First Class - Northern Hemisphere Dragoon
Pegisue - Aquarium Ambassadorette with a Slice of Lime
dshafe - Keeper of the Scariest Voice (There's only one)
Buffalosoul - Baron von Broccolimeister
JEWELIE - Embroiderist Maximus
archangelreb - Minister of Trees
lila221lilac - Green Girl - Superhero of all things Natural
ticklemepinke - Just wants a job at Brickfish
suzemguz - Tequilla Tech & K9 Interpreter
ktts_nap - Keeper of Gold Bricks
Modernmyth - Minister of Everything Beginning With "M"
Ladywelder6075 - Keeper of the National Spark
avalaveer - Royal Muse
AmbiColdStone - Royal Mixologist - Ice Cream Division
LucasKlein - Photosaurus Officiallis
harleyhasice - Absolute Athetic Director of Sublime Sports
Estina - Well... Estina is just Estina
crazykeep - Director of Zombie Invasion Awareness
Galaxy_Fireworks - Director of Sky Blasting
seahorsemermaid - Ambassador to Atlantis
leahmaureen - Official Blonde
greyhoundun - Keeper of the Greys
ebeth333 - Mistress of Mysterious Magic Healing
christy924 - Volcano Sacrificial Dance Coordinator
Parabolastar - Metal Shop Master
Katieforbes - Ambassador of All Things Beginning With "K"
Diamondbride - Princess of Diamonds
Automator asks: How old is Aunt Bliss?
Oh crap! Aunt Bliss's birthday is coming up! It's a big one... she's going to be 41, and she still looks 16! At least to the people she works with at the Harvey Weinblatt Blind Center. I wanted to give her something special, you know. Heck she'll never be 41 again. That's why I put up the Mr X Circus of the Strange campaign... to find Aunt Bliss a cool and unique gift. Love the spiked
fingerthings and the voodoo doll but I'm leaning more towards the 2 snakes and a scorpion in a jug. What better way to say thanks for being my Aunt Bliss! Any ideas? She is fond of Lyle Lovett "Watch 'n Eat" TV Trays. Hmmmmmmmmm
Limpet asks: What is Mr X going to do with his special tax rebate?
Holy Cow! I get $300 plus $300 for each child. Just in time too...Nordstrom just cancelled my card because of late payments. If you read farther down here you'll find I have 352 kids, all named Flicka except for one named Bob. So.... that's $105,900... CHA CHING! I'm learning to handle this... I was in a coma for 4 months and this is what caused it. Hey, you find out $105,900 is coming in the mail it would probably put you in a coma too. So, yeah, what am I going to do with the cash? I'm going to buy Lucha Libre Wrestling masks for all my kids and have them all run through Nordstrom... drive security nuts... yeah, that's what I'm going to do.
Gozer asks: What does the Mysterious Mr X want for Christmas?
The top of my list definitely is the 2007 season of the Weather Channel on DVD. Also I would like the full set of Amy Winehouse action figures. Let's see... Oh, it would be really nice to have tickets to see the Beatles.... or Jimi Hendrix, either one. Maybe limited edition Mel Gibson left-handed salt and pepper shakers. Twister. The Condoleza Rice Cooker (as seen on TV). A Jesse Jackson Pez dispenser and probably a yacht... a big one. That's about it really. Thanks for asking... which one did you want to give me?
Haley asks: What’s up with Aunt Bliss? You haven’t said much about her lately…
Aunt Bliss is on my bad list. She just had a birthday the other day and decided she really really really needed a Taser. She was watching some crazy infomercial on channel 17 where Chuck Norris was mugged by a group of 12 year olds with bad attitudes and even worse clothing. “If only he had the Pitbull 666 Taser” the voice intoned over the TV, “he’d still have all his teeth… and his manhood!” Aunt Bliss is a reactionary soul and the horrific thought of her being man-handled by a group of foul breathed punks was too much to imagine… SO, she purchased her a Pitbull 666 for 89.95 plus she got the bonus Chuck Norris autographed Texas Ranger Fondue Set for free because she was one of the first 2 million to call. Now you need to know something about Aunt Bliss… she never goes out… I mean never, so the chances of her being mugged in some side alley are nil. When she does venture out she usually goes with body guards (she’s in the witness protection program) so she really has no use for a taser at all… that’s where I come in. Aunt bliss has developed a hair trigger with her damned zapper and anytime we disagree on something she lets lose a volley of high amps in my direction. Take last Tuesday… I wanted Mexican food, she wanted Chinese, “We had Chinese yesterday” I said… ZAP! So uncool… We had an argument this morning about whether Lindsay Lohan was Cedric the Entertainer’s love child or not… ZAP! This afternoon she asked me to get her a Diet Coke… “I can’t right now, I…” ZAAAAAAAAAP! Curse you and your vile Pitbull 666!!” ZAAAAAAAAAAAP! ZAAAAAAAAAP! And I mean Zaaaaap! My grill lights up like Vegas and I spaz out like a bad Michael Jackson impersonator. It hurts man… But I still love Aunt Bliss… and we have come to an agreement of sorts. Now she warns me before she shoots me… that way I can grab the Texas Ranger fondue set and hold it tight… no sense in all that voltage going to waste. I may get zapped but it’s always followed up with a Texas Cheesy treat! Mmmmmmmmm Mmmmmmmmm Good!
MoombaJuice asks: "Where are you Mr X? You've been silent for so long... what's up
Sorry, I've been at the dentist. I hate the dentist. I had a check up and my dentist, Dr. Bombali, said "Looks good... except for a few little things"... which translates as "I need a new BMW series 7 and I'm going to get it out of your mouth". So I took some asprin to ease the pain and eased back into my kitchen chair while the good doctor did his stuff. I said kitchen chair because Dr. Bombali is a travelling dentist which means he comes to you. To save $$$ he doesn't bring any instruments or machines but relies on what he can find in your kitchen, garage, or that drawer that seems to have all the odds and ends. He's kind of the MacGyver of dentistry... anyway, right in the middle of 4 root canals, 3 crowns and 15 fillings I had an epiphany... "Hey Dr.B", I said, "Why not hook me up with a hella tight grill so I can improve my play and get my love jones on like nobodys mutha". "I'll make you one mad ghetto bomb , homes" he mumbled in his gas mask and went to work. I had an old Pachinko machine in the closet so he canibalized it for some bling along with and old erector set I had when I was 12. So, after 15 days in a kitchen chair, 7 bottles of St. Josephs, and $84,284.16 I'm a new person with a $84,284.16 smile. "Now", the good Dr. said, "you really should have your teeth whitened! Only $1,956.39!" Which happens to be BMW's price to install the iPod dock. I hate dentists! .......................................... ................................But my grill is dope crunk!....
Jet Snort asks: Mr X, What will you be wearing for the holidays?
Holidays...I think I'll be casual for Christmas and forsake my formal wrap for my more leisure holiday wrap. What do you think? You may be wondering how I managed to transform back to my normal (well, sort of normal) self... A stroke of luck actually... while chasing cars the other day I happened to see a leprechaun, so I decided to chase him. While running furiously after the little guy he tossed something at me and so I stopped to investigate. It was a lucky rabbit's foot. I started chewing on it when a grand piano fell from the sky and landed right on me. Luckily, aliens had been viewing all this from their spaceship and, being the benevolent beings they are they blasted me with a reconstructo-organizer beam that obviously was set a little too strong because it not only reconstructed the piano (a beautiful ebony Bosendorfer) and changed me back to my dog status (living) but it also reconstructed me back to my human self. How cool is that? And how cool are those aliens! so there you have it... I was so greatful that I took the whole crew out for waffles. Did you know that aliens eat with their back sides
Many of you have been asking: "Mr X, where are you?" Well I'll tell you...
I decided to take a day off and go to the beach. You know, frolic in the waves, wiggle my toes in the sand, that sort of thing. Well, there I was minding my own business when my wiggling toes felt something metallic. Digging the object out revealed an ancient oil lamp. I thought ... ohhhh yeah, I bet there's a genie inside, and half laughing I rubbed it... bad move... apparently I really, really, really upset the resident because she blasted out of the lamp and with a string of words that would make drunk construction workers blush zapped me with a lightning bolt that left me dazed and feeling somewhat ichy. "What about my wishes?" I cried, "I'm supposed to get 3 wishes!" "Whatever", she grumbled and presented me with 3 fine carp... Uh... "wishes, not fishes", I said... but she had already sucked back into her stupid lamp. I rubbed and rubbed but only got blisters so I chucked it into the ocean. Due to the creative changes the genie zapped on me I was unable to drive so for the last week I've been making my way home on foot and dodging animal control. But now I'm home and things are getting back to normal. Aunt Bliss has calmed down and Tasha has even come over to throw the ball for me. Life is really quite good
Bluemonkey asks: "Mr.X you are such a liar! Why do you constantly lie to us? I thought you were our friend
Ohhhhhh, Bluemonkey, why would you say that? Now I feel bad. I hope you all realize that , yes, I do pull your leg a bit but it is all in fun. I would never, no never, lie to any of you on important issues, like selecting mouthwash, fingerpainting or where the socks go in your dryer. You can always trust mysterious Mr X with all your important information. A matter of fact, I've been way too serious lately, with my invitation to the White House and all. I mean it's not everyday one receives the National Medal of Honor for saving a whole city from utter distruction single handedly. It was really nothing though, and I'm a bit shy about it all, It really wasn't me at all but my Ultra-Vegetating Mutation Ray I got from those Aliens back in April. As a matter of fact I don't know if any of you saw it, as it's way past your bedtime, but Jay Leno asked me the other night to demonstrate it on his show, So, I blasted his house band into a bunch of harmless cabbages. Whoa It was great! A buch of big ole cabbages sittin there on the floor. Oprah saw it... she wants to include the UVM Ray in her list of favorite things... really... that and my face wrap
Yasgers writes: Dear Mr. X, the most wise. What the heck is a Honeycreeper? Is it contagious
To find the answer, Yasgers, we must travel to ancient Mesopotamia along the banks of the Tigris River. Growing there is an herb, "Funkis Infusiana Majestica" or commonly known as Funk Weed. Originally used as bait to catch giant Tigris Carp, teens discovered that rubbing this weed upon their legs caused wild and spasmodic twitches. It soon became the herb of choice in Babylons discos to help otherwise shy camel drivers get on the floor and dance like wild dervishes. The practice seems to have died out during the British occupations but has now re-surfaced in a band entered in the Underground Drive Thru. If you look carefully at Honeycreeper's video you will see that they have obviously gotten hold of some Funkis Infusiana Majestica and stuffed a wad in their shoes. I think they may have stuffed some down that saxophone as well... heck I think they ground it up in the blender and bathed in the stuff! Check em out and see if Mr X is right
Nabeel writes: Mr. X, do you have children? You certainly have an interesting style speaking
Dear Nabeel, Yes I do have children. 352 to be exact and they are all named Flicka exept for one that's named Bob.... and no they are not all from the same mother, you silly goose!. They actually come from 3 sisters in Mozambique named Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria, who due to some UFO experience gave birth at the same time to 352 children. Unable to take care of such a crowd, they gave them up for adoption and I was the only one willing to take the whole batch. I must admit it was for a selfish purpose. I figire I can now yell out "Hey Flicka, mow the lawn" or "Hey Flicka, get my slippers"or "Hey Flicka, go get my martian death ray mind-scrambler"... with 351 Flickas someone is bound to respond! Bob really lucks out
Chesla asks: "aww you are too much lol and I love your writing its so entertaining, so do you just work for brickfish? or do you do anything else? I mean it sounds like you would be great at acting, or at being a comedian lol well I got to get going... keep in touch
Comedian? Me? I've never really thought of myself as funny... at least in the HA HA sense... Actually I am the honorary king of Brickfish. They have built me a throne and I sit on it all day dispensing wisdom and edicts, meanwhile the staff bring me offerings and tribute.... got a really nice toaster yesterday! I have a really cool scepter that emits hyper-cosmotic nano bursts when I press the secret jewel and all around me are forced to dance bad disco. It's really, really cool. I did have a crown for a while, but you know, they are so over rated, the darn thing was so heavy it put a nasty crease in my forehead, made me look un-kingly....So... now I make everyone else wear a crown so they can look un-kingly (which they really are) and I wear a beanie, because you know, I'm the king and I can do what I want. When I'm not on the throne I'm out visiting my subjects, officiating at coronations, and sharpening crayons. I'm off on weekends. There you have it, that's what I do at Brickfish... really
Seti asks: Where in the world did you come from? Are you from this planet?
About Mr X... I was born in a bowling alley to Floyd and Edna X. Kind and goodly parents, however, somewhat cluless as to everyday social skills and common good sense. After having consumed a little too much Miller after the Elk's Bowl-O-Rama "King-Of-The-Pins" tournament, Floyd accepted a bet from Lester Moses that he could erase my face with a #4 Pink Pearl eraser in 15 minutes or less... it actually took 16.3. Mamma cried and Floyd fumed. After a week he sent me off to live with Aunt Bliss so I wouldn't be a constant reminder of his glaring failure. Aunt Bliss was nurturing. She schooled me in the arts, music, science, philosophy, and animal husbandry, and although she was a blind deaf mute we seemed to get along well... and we did have a lot of fun along the way. I remember once we decided to take Uncle Jesmond's combine out for a midnight spin... mowed a nice swath through farmer Jaeger's wheat field, took out a few hundred feet of fencing and, well,you know, I really don't think that migrant farm worker camp should have been there anyway. I did hit a bit a turbulence in my teens as I experimented with tie-dyed face wraps... frayed face wraps... face wraps adorned with anti-establishment buttons... but it lasted only a short while because my breath was taken aback by a new diversion. Olive.... (music starts)... Olive was a breath of fresh wind in my socially stagnant world. She was perfect. Poised, fashion forward, confident with a certain mystery in her eyes... always perfect... ahhhhhhhhh.... Olive! I'd go to visit her at Bloomingdale's whenever I had time. She was always kind of quiet yet kind, and although my appearance caused most people to stare and murmur, it didn't seem to effect Olive in the least. We felt so comfortable that we could literally sit for hours and not say a word, just bask in each other's glow. Bloomingdales eventually moved her from lingerie to work the front display windows... then we could only visit through the glass. One day they changed her hair from blond to red and dressed her in some questionable attire to promote the Spring clothing line... It was like I didn't know her anymore... Olive! Where are you!!!!! So... I dumped her and started seeing the cute little thing down at the Charlotte Russe window... she hasn't said a single word to me yet, but, hey, neither did Olive... at 21 I left Aunt Bliss and moved to San Diego... ahhh it was great... the sun on your face wrap 365 days a year, true paradise! After working numerous dead end jobs like spinal surgeon, bio-mechanical engineer, nuclear physicist, I found my calling at Brickfish as Art Critic... they feel, with my unique challenges, that I can be more un-biased than most. I love it, life is good, and the people here seem to have gotten used to me and treat me as an equal.... which is really something when you work with a giant, Siamese twins and a dwarf... (more soon)...
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General
The art of Haley Underwood... Music - Honeycreeper... love a good punk/funk tenor!... Food - Deep fried crab claws... Shoes - John Flevog, check em out...
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